Beauty

Why do I associate beauty with your likeness 

I've sang "if all my favorite songs make me think of you I'm gonna lose it"

But never knew it could cause this much stress

Ok, It's not that I associate every song I like with you, or even many

It's that any time I experience beauty you're like a shot through my head, Lenny

I find myself awake at 3am scrolling through YouTube 

And I can't listen to beautiful music or write a poem without hearing you, too

With or Without You, I ache either way 

And It wrenches my gut, Bloody fucking Sunday

 

You thought it weird when I'd FaceTime you to show off the beautiful places I'd visit 

But it wasn't to show off, but rather vast beauty reminded me of that which I see in you and I'd miss it

"Here, this is what you look like to me," I'd meant to say 

as I flipped the camera to show you the 'Frisco Bay

It might've been how the hills rolled or how the sun shone pink off the distant windows

Both views knocked me back, sat me down, and had me froze

 

I don't have enough god damn energy to keep up this empathy

Feel bad for you? Fuckin' feel bad for me!

Tell me you know what it's like to feel alone, and in your lowest moment a glimmer of hope

And as the glimmer grows closer you realize, it's not a glimmer at all but a middle finger in your eye

 

So that's what I'll do - make like a SWMR and lose it

But not at you, probably not even out-loud at all 

But slowly, in my mind and on paper, try and undo the fall

I don't want to feel this way - just let me move past it

Why is it that every time I think of sex I go flaccid?!

Just let me fuck a random person for fun, or to take my mind off death

Because every day I wake up and the thought of you is still fresh

 

 

 

 

Keaton Goodman